Due to reasons known or unknown, lately I’ve found myself wondering: Where do lost feelings go? And these feelings are lost in the sense of being evaporated, used up or simply spent. My connotation does not solely refer to feelings which concern love, but rather to feelings of a more general kind. Euphoria is prone to wear itself off, happiness fades away with time and even sadness proceeds into taking a more redundant, melancholic form. Thus, I can’t help but wonder: does indifference predominate over all the rest in the feelings section? And if positive, doesn’t that make humans the most miserable species on this planet? God curse rationality, indeed.
The duration of every separate feeling appears to follow a pre-modeled pattern: high intensity, adjustment and finally evaporation. For example, you buy a new pair of shoes. In the beginning you seem to love your shoes very much. There are no better shoes in this world. So you start wearing these shoes every day and you feel hyped and everything. But then the fact that you proceed wearing these shoes everyday causes you to become used to their shape, their outlook and to the way they fit your feet. And you start wondering: What if there are some other, more comfortable shoes out there? How can I be sure these shoes are the best possible choice? And then you develop a sort of an aversion towards your shoes. And then they get old and you don’t like them anymore, actually you’re not sure if you ever liked them, so you throw them away. And then you wait for some new shoes to come along. And then you repeat all of the steps listed above.
According to many theories life itself is believed to be a cycle, so I guess it makes sense for feelings to undertake a similar cyclic form of duration. However this doesn’t make the absence of original feelings seem better. The entire thing still sucks. Happiness and grief all appear transient in comparison to the certain presence of indifference. And indifference lasts forever. People often times tend to mistake it for strength. But this is fabricated strength. It is a type of strength built on suppressed feelings most of the time. Just because indifference appears to be more consistent, it doesn’t mean it is better than its predecessor in terms of strength. (For comparison, depression can also endure lengthy periods of presence and no one finds such feelings pleasant or a display of strength.)
However, before you dare to judge me hopeless and helpless, I have managed to find a feeling more glorious and lasting than indifference itself. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce the sensation of love to you. And once again, I am not referring to romantic love, since this type of love is most prone to being a temporary product of desire and illusion (therefore it is also prone to enduring a cyclic existence). I am referring to the type of love which brings peace to the individual rather than infatuation. This type of love helps you feel at ease and tends to provoke feelings of self-salvation. In that regard, the love towards oneself may be the most important feeling out of them all. Therefore, you can love the others around you more successfully.
Eventually, feelings will come and go. And perhaps I am just blabbering too much instead of accepting the fact that the charm of happiness is contained in its short (and cyclic) duration. However, with the aid of love, happiness too can transform itself into a more universal type of a feeling. And that leaves me standing with the notion of hope, waiting for magic to happen.
Isidora Bojkovska
The duration of every separate feeling appears to follow a pre-modeled pattern: high intensity, adjustment and finally evaporation. For example, you buy a new pair of shoes. In the beginning you seem to love your shoes very much. There are no better shoes in this world. So you start wearing these shoes every day and you feel hyped and everything. But then the fact that you proceed wearing these shoes everyday causes you to become used to their shape, their outlook and to the way they fit your feet. And you start wondering: What if there are some other, more comfortable shoes out there? How can I be sure these shoes are the best possible choice? And then you develop a sort of an aversion towards your shoes. And then they get old and you don’t like them anymore, actually you’re not sure if you ever liked them, so you throw them away. And then you wait for some new shoes to come along. And then you repeat all of the steps listed above.
According to many theories life itself is believed to be a cycle, so I guess it makes sense for feelings to undertake a similar cyclic form of duration. However this doesn’t make the absence of original feelings seem better. The entire thing still sucks. Happiness and grief all appear transient in comparison to the certain presence of indifference. And indifference lasts forever. People often times tend to mistake it for strength. But this is fabricated strength. It is a type of strength built on suppressed feelings most of the time. Just because indifference appears to be more consistent, it doesn’t mean it is better than its predecessor in terms of strength. (For comparison, depression can also endure lengthy periods of presence and no one finds such feelings pleasant or a display of strength.)
However, before you dare to judge me hopeless and helpless, I have managed to find a feeling more glorious and lasting than indifference itself. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce the sensation of love to you. And once again, I am not referring to romantic love, since this type of love is most prone to being a temporary product of desire and illusion (therefore it is also prone to enduring a cyclic existence). I am referring to the type of love which brings peace to the individual rather than infatuation. This type of love helps you feel at ease and tends to provoke feelings of self-salvation. In that regard, the love towards oneself may be the most important feeling out of them all. Therefore, you can love the others around you more successfully.
Eventually, feelings will come and go. And perhaps I am just blabbering too much instead of accepting the fact that the charm of happiness is contained in its short (and cyclic) duration. However, with the aid of love, happiness too can transform itself into a more universal type of a feeling. And that leaves me standing with the notion of hope, waiting for magic to happen.
Isidora Bojkovska